From Hospital to Home

This evening we arrived home safely - how wonderful it is to be home! Precious time catching up face-to face while enjoying a family meal provided by a dear friend. 

Yet home is different because Dad is different. I can feel the pain in my children’s hearts, sometimes searing in my own heart as we process the present and cling to trust for the uncertain future. God alone knows what course the cancer will take, whether the targeted drug therapy will arrest the progress of the metastases or reverse the distressing symptoms. 

Thankful that the merry-go-round of tests and treatment had come to an abrupt halt, I was hoping for an uncomplicated day or two preparing to go home. Instead, I felt as though a fresh stoking and new fuel was being added to the Refiner’s fire.

Firstly, due to the changed diagnosis, responsibility for Geoff’s care was transferred to a lung cancer oncologist and his specialist nurse. Having been told that the nurse would be our first point of contact and Geoff’s care coordinator, I was really looking forward to her help with answering my questions and navigating the various support services. However, the nurse is on leave. Also, the initial meeting with the oncologist must have given a very bleak impression of Geoff’s condition and our next appointment is almost three weeks away.

Secondly, around lunchtime yesterday Geoff began showing signs of a sudden deterioration in cognitive processing. A couple of examples will suffice. The oncologist asked, “How old are you?” The reply, “I don’t know.” At night time I asked, “Why don’t you want to go to sleep?” Lying in the hospital bed, “I can see the stars.” “Are the stars beautiful?” “No, you are beautiful”!

It’s ok that in one sense you probably found this amusing and I am sure you would be in stitches if i recounted some of our other conversations. Yet this has taken me to a depth of fear that i have rarely experienced and into a darkness where I am searching for The Light.

Through the understanding of a young nurse with a personal experience of cancer, the palliative care specialist and a very close friend with extensive medical experience, processing possible causes is leading to a place of patience, perseverance and prayer.